February 04 2010

99 Names of God - Simple English Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

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The 99 Names of God (Arabic:أسماء الله الحسنى translit:Asma’ Allah al-Ḥusná) also known as The 99 attributes of Allah, according to Islamic tradition, are the names of God revealed to man in the Qur’an.

[change] List of names

The 99 Names of God according to the tradition of Islam are:

  1. ALLAH (الله) The God
  2. Al Rahman (الرحمن) The All Beneficent
  3. Al Rahim (الرحيم) The Most Merciful
  4. Al Malik (الملك) The King, The Sovereign
  5. Al Quddus (القدوس) The Most Holy
  6. Al Salam (السلام) Peace and Blessing
  7. Al Mu’min (المؤمن) The Guarantor
  8. Al Muhaymin (المهيمن) The Guardian, the Preserver
  9. Al ‘Aziz (العزيز) The Almighty, the Self Sufficient
  10. Al Jabbar (الجبار) The Powerful, the Irresistible
  11. Al Mutakabbir (المتكبر) The Tremendous
  12. Al Khaliq (الخالق) The Creator
  13. Al Bari’ (البارئ) The Maker
  14. Al Musawwir (المصور) The Fashioner of Forms
  15. Al Ghaffar (الغفار) The Ever Forgiving
  16. Al Qahhar (القهار) The All Compelling Subduer
  17. Al Wahhab (الوهاب) The Bestower
  18. Al Razzaq (الرزاق) The Ever Providing
  19. Al Fattah (الفتاح) The Opener, the Victory Giver
  20. Al Alim (العليم) The All Knowing, the Omniscient
  21. Al Qabid (القابض) The Restrainer, the Straightener
  22. Al Basit (الباسط) The Expander, the Munificent
  23. Al Khafid (الخافض) The Abaser
  24. Al Rafi’ (الرافع) The Exalter
  25. Al Mu’izz (المعز) The Giver of Honor
  26. Al Mudhill (المذل) The Giver of Dishonor
  27. Al Sami’ (السميع) The All Hearing
  28. Al Basir (البصير) The All Seeing
  29. Al Hakam (الحكم) The Judge, the Arbitrator
  30. Al-‘Adl (العدل) The Utterly Just
  31. Al Latif (اللطيف) The Subtly Kind
  32. Al Khabir (الخبير) The All Aware
  33. Al Halim (الحليم) The Forbearing, the Indulgent
  34. Al ‘Azim (العظيم) The Magnificent, the Infinite
  35. Al Ghafur (الغفور) The All Forgiving
  36. Al Shakur (الشكور) The Grateful
  37. Al ‘Ali (العلى) The Sublimely Exalted
  38. Al Kabir (الكبير) The Great
  39. Al Hafiz (الحفيظ) The Preserver
  40. Al Muqit (المقيت) The Nourisher
  41. Al Hasib (الحسيب) The Reckoner
  42. Al Jalil (الجليل) The Majestic
  43. Al Karim (الكريم) The Bountiful, the Generous
  44. Al Raqib (الرقيب) The Watchful
  45. Al Mujib (المجيب) The Responsive, the Answerer
  46. Al Wasi’ (الواسع) The Vast, the All Encompassing
  47. Al Hakim (الحكيم) The Wise
  48. Al Wadud (الودود) The Loving, the Kind One
  49. Al Majid (المجيد) The All Glorious
  50. Al Ba’ith (الباعث) The Raiser of the Dead
  51. Al Shahid (الشهيد) The Witness
  52. Al Haqq (الحق) The Truth, the Real
  53. Al Wakil (الوكيل) The Trustee, the Dependable
  54. Al Qawiyy (القوى) The Strong
  55. Al Matin (المتين) The Firm, the Steadfast
  56. Al Wali (الولى) The Protecting Friend, Patron, and Helper
  57. Al Hamid (الحميد) The All Praiseworthy
  58. Al Muhsi (المحصى) The Accounter, the Numberer of All
  59. Al Mubdi’ (المبدئ) The Producer, Originator, and Initiator of all
  60. Al Mu’id (المعيد) The Reinstater Who Brings Back All
  61. Al Muhyi (المحيى) The Giver of Life
  62. Al Mumit (المميت) The Bringer of Death, the Destroyer
  63. Al Hayy (الحي) The Ever Living
  64. Al Qayyum (القيوم) The Self Subsisting Sustainer of All
  65. Al Wajid (الواجد) The Perceiver, the Finder, the Unfailing
  66. Al Majid (الماجد) The Illustrious, the Magnificent
  67. Al Wahid (الواحد) The One, the All Inclusive, the Indivisible
  68. Al Ahad (الاحد) The One, the Unique
  69. Al Samad (الصمد) The Long, the Impregnable, the Everlasting
  70. Al Qadir (القادر) The All Able
  71. Al Muqtadir (المقتدر) The All Determiner, the Dominant
  72. Al Muqaddim (المقدم) The Expediter, He who brings forward
  73. Al Mu’akhkhir (المؤخر) The Delayer, He who puts far away
  74. Al Awwal (الأول) The First
  75. Al Akhir (الأخر) The Last
  76. Al Zahir (الظاهر) The Manifest; the All Victorious
  77. Al Batin (الباطن) The Hidden; the All Encompassing
  78. Al Wali (الوالي) The Patron
  79. Al Muta’al (المتعالي) The Self Exalted
  80. Al Barr (البر) The Most Kind and Righteous
  81. Al Tawwab (التواب) The Ever Returning, Ever Relenting
  82. Al Muntaqim (المنتقم) The Avenger
  83. Al ‘Afuww (العفو) The Pardoner, the Effacer of Sins
  84. Al Ra’uf (الرؤوف) The Compassionate, the All Pitying
  85. Malik al Mulk (مالك) (الملك) The Owner of All Sovereignty
  86. Dhu al Jalal wa al Ikram (ذو الجلال و الإكرام) The Lord of Majesty and Generosity
  87. Al Muqsit (المقسط) The Equitable, the Requiter
  88. Al Jami’ (الجامع) The Gatherer, the Unifier
  89. Al Ghani (الغنى) The All Rich, the Independent
  90. Al Mughni (المغنى) The Enricher, the Emancipator
  91. Al Mani’(المانع) The Withholder, the Shielder, the Defender
  92. Al Ahad (الاحد) THE ONE
  93. Al Nafi’ (النافع) The Propitious, the Benefactor
  94. Al Nur (النور) The Light
  95. Al Hadi (الهادئ) The Guide
  96. Al Badi (البديع) Incomparable, the Originator
  97. Al Baqi (الباقي) The Ever Enduring and Immutable
  98. Al Warith (الوارث) The Heir, the Inheritor of All
  99. Al Rashid (الرشيد) The Guide, Infallible Teacher, and Knower
  100. Al Sabur (الصبور) The Patient, the Timeless

Please note that the English translation of names may have a slightly different meaning than the original Arabic word due to the words available in each language.

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How to Survive Being Buried Alive in a Coffin

Escape Plan Status lolcat

Today I found out how to survive being buried alive in a coffin.  Yesterday, I posted an article on taphophobia and I got an email from a reader wondering if I could write-up an article on the best ways to actually get out of a coffin, if you happen to find yourself buried alive in one.  So here goes.

First, DON’T PANIC!  Seriously, panicking will drastically reduce the time you have to work yourself out of this jam.  You’ll use up all your oxygen quite quickly in this state and you likely don’t have a lot of time to start with.  Typically you could survive for one or two hours before using up your oxygen, as long as you don’t panic.  If you happen to be good at meditating, you could last quite a bit longer, such as the case of this man who survived nearly two hours on the air trapped in his helmet.  But of course in his case, he had people digging him out.  If you don’t think anyone is coming to dig you out, then putting yourself in a deep meditative state probably wouldn’t help you be able to extradite yourself from the situation; this would only prolong the inevitable.  Now try to relax yourself as much as possible.  The more relaxed you are, the longer you have to get yourself out and the clearer you will think.

Now, from here there are a few things you might do depending on your apparent situation. First, check to see what you have on you.  Increasingly these days, people are burying other people with their cell phones for some so that they can call them, at least while the battery lasts.  Personally, I think this is a little more depressing than anything, calling and never having them answer.  But this is good if your relatives did this.  If you’ve got this, flip it on and hope you have a signal and good battery life.  Once you get a hold of someone and you know they are coming, practice meditating and relaxing as much as possible to conserve oxygen.  Talking to them at length is not a good idea.  This will use up a lot of oxygen.  Make sure they know this is not a hoax and they are coming with everything from a shovel to the National Guard, then hang up and relax.  One simple meditation anyone can master is to simply repeat some word over and over again in your head slowly; might I suggest “Vacca Foeda”.

Don’t have a cell phone?  If your relatives were cheap, they buried you in a nice flimsy coffin.  This is nearly the best case scenario.  If you get out of this, you’ll be forever thankful for the cheap construction of your presumed final resting place.  Given the weight of the 6 feet or so of earth above you, your coffin might have already caved in one place or another.  This is a good thing.  If this has happened, you are literally almost home free (unless you are really short, then you have a bit more work to do).  Odds are, considering you are still alive in your coffin with limited air supply, you weren’t buried that long ago.  So the earth should be quite loose.

Now,  take off your shirt most of the way by pulling it up over your head so it comes off inside out, but doesn’t come all the way off (think hockey fight); so that your shirt is basically now just inside out over your head.  Now tie off the shirt at the top so it is sealed.  At this point, you’ve basically made a “bag” out of your shirt that your head is now in.  This is to help protect you from breathing in dirt.

If your coffin hasn’t already been breached by the weight of the earth above, use your legs to kick an opening somewhere in the coffin.  Generally, the best place will be around the middle of the coffin which is usually the weakest point in terms of being able to hold weight.  Best to keep your head and torso close to the opening to make sure you don’t accidentally get stuck in the coffin where you can’t move around because of all the dirt.

If you are buried in a typical cheap coffin, it shouldn’t actually be that hard to breach as the weight of the earth above will already be bowing the top board quite a bit; it is even somewhat likely that the earth has already breached the cheap coffin somewhere, without need of your help;  if you feel dirt in the coffin, thank your lucky stars because the hardest part is accomplished already.   If not, you’ll want to kick has hard as you can to try to get the board flexing.  You won’t be able to move the board much because of the weight of the earth, but that’s fine.  You mainly just want to make that weight of the earth work for you by kicking the board and hopefully having the weight of the earth flex the board down more every time until it breaches.

Once you have successfully breached the coffin, use your legs and hands to push the earth coming in towards the edges of the coffin.  Fill the coffin as much as possible with dirt, packing it in, without losing the ability to be able to get your head and torso out of the hole, head first.

Once you’ve packed in as much dirt as you can, simply get your head near the breach and use all your strength to stand up with your arms straight up; you may need to make the breach bigger as you do so, but this shouldn’t be too hard with a cheap coffin.  As you are doing this, try to get one leg up out of the coffin so you can further push yourself up by standing on the outside parameter edge of the coffin lid.

If you are buried around 6 feet deep and are anywhere from 5 feet tall or above, you should be able to not only have your arms break the surface at this point, but also have your head break the surface due to the fact that you pushed a foot or two of earth into your coffin.  Now getting yourself completely out may take a little time without help, but considering the earth should be fairly lose, should be one of the easier things you just had to do.

Once your head has broken the surface and you can freely breath, feel free to let yourself panic a bit if you need to and scream your head off, perhaps cackling madly; I mean, you are about 95% there at managing to escape being buried alive.  I think a good healthy manic mad cackle is in order.  Go ahead;  I’ll wait…  Now that that’s done, if no one has come to your rescue, go ahead and worm yourself out as best you can using your arms to pull yourself out, wriggling your body as you go to further loosen the earth holding  you in.

Now you might be saying to yourself, “My relatives aren’t cheap, they’ll bury me in a fancy stainless steel coffin”.  Well, I’m sorry to say, you are probably screwed then.  They wasted a lot of money on an expensive coffin for what they thought was just a carcass and now not only was it a waste of resources, it will spell your ultimate demise.  The best you can do in this case is to try to tap loudly on the metal with some piece of medal such as a belt buckle or the like.  Then hope someone is still hanging around your grave site.  This isn’t totally unlikely considering you couldn’t have been there long considering you still have air to breath.  Still probably best not to yell at this point as it would quickly diminish your oxygen supply and probably cause you to start panicking.  Best to tap as loud as you can in some pattern, so someone on the surface knows you are still alive.  If you have nothing to tap with, feel free to panic and yell now.  You are probably going to die anyways, might as well go out losing your mind (really, better than going out sane as asphyxiation is not pleasant from all accounts).

If your family was really nice and wealthy, they’ll have buried you in a “safety coffin”.  These coffins are equipped with means of letting yourself out safely or means of notifying the outside world you are in fact still alive.  In either case, these tend to always come with some sort of lighting device that doesn’t consume oxygen, like a flashlight.  Use it and you’ll likely find whatever is needed to allow you to alert the outside world that your death was greatly exaggerated.  Note, it is generally not a good idea to light a match or a lighter if you have one.  Not only might you catch yourself on fire, but you’ll use all the oxygen in the coffin extremely quickly this way.

Now, if you’ve gotten to this point and still haven’t gotten out, you should continue trying the above until you start to feel yourself asphyxiate.  At this point, you have two choices.  First, continue on as before and eventuality succumb to the lack of oxygen.  This is pretty much universally thought of as a pretty horrible way to die as you’ve got plenty of air you’ll be breathing in filling your lungs, but little to no oxygen.  It’s a very slow way to die and quite unpleasant from all accounts.  Second, you could always try to end it a little quicker.  If you’ve got a pen or something handy, feel free to stab yourself in the throat.  One quick thrust to your carotid artery (either on the left or right of your neck, pick one!) and you’ll be dead in no time.  No pen or any other device to bleed yourself with?  Well, you’ve probably got teeth at least…  As this article has turned a bit morbid *ha morbid*, I’ll just say, “use your imagination”.  Don’t have a good imagination?  Think wrists.

There is of course also always the chance of divine intervention.  Even if you aren’t normally a “praying man”, might I suggest that in this case, you’ve got absolutely nothing to lose in becoming one, and who knows maybe even something to gain even if things don’t work out. ;-)   I’d recommend avoiding offering God anything if he’ll get you out though.  People do this all the time and it makes no sense.  I mean really, if there is a God, what could you possibly offer him that he doesn’t already have or couldn’t get himself?  It would be like trying to come up with gift ideas for Bill Gates, but times a bagillion.  Better to just ask out of mercy or grace for help and possibly forgiveness of any wrongs you might have done in your lifetime (just in case).  He might feel sorry for you and help it end quicker than normal asphyxiation or help you get out; either is win/win :-)

Bottom line, what you want to try to do is some how some way make an opening in the coffin large enough for you to fit through.  You do that and you have a good shot at making it out of this alive.  Once you have an opening, unless you are a midget, getting out or at least getting your head above the surface, will literally be as easy as standing up.  If it is raining hard around the time of your burial, things could be more difficult of course.  But by trapping as much earth as possible in the coffin, you should still be able to stand up and break your head free of the surface at the least; from this point, if it’s sufficiently muddy, you may require someone’s aid to extradite yourself the rest of the way.  But at least if you die this way, it won’t be of asphyxiation.  So you’ve improved your situation at the least.  Good luck!

Now may I echo the sentiment that Lord Chesterfield made to his daughter-in-law in a letter on March 16, 1769:

  • “All I desire for my own burial is not to be buried alive”.

Sources:

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